19Sep
Will I ever be able to trust him?
14 comments so farOk–here is my story, any advice is greatly needed and appreciated. I met my husband when we were both 25, independant college grads and professionals (he a mil. officer, me a teacher). We dated for over 2 yrs before we got married and everything was close to perfect. Yes, we had our normal spats but he always acted so in love with me and all of my friends were so jealous….Well, after being married for only a month I got on the laptop and noticed he had left his email up, out of pure curiousity, I clicked on his messages (never in a million years intended on finding anything), well it showed he had been emailing a woman for almost **** pics of herself. He replied a few times saying, “thanks that made my day” and how “beautiful” she was. Well this was such blow because not to brag, I am a very attractive person. We have a great *** life and we love experimenting and we are both very sexual. The woman he emailed was a woman from a football message bd he visited and she would never email him directly, it was just a mass email of the men that asked her to (after she offered). Well, I confronted him and he was VERY remorsefull and apologized and said it was stupid and he would NEVER do it again.
I figured out his password to his email and checked it frequently. Well, I eventually forgave and he was called to go back to Iraq for a 15 month deployment. Let me back up for a moment the first time he was in Iraq (before we dated)he told me he had a brief sexual relationship with another soldier over there, but I never cared since he was single and it was before me. Well, he wasnt over there a month before I found out he was emailing her asking her for a **** pic of herself, they flirted back and forth and of course I confronted him AGAIN. And AGAIN he was extremely remorseful and begged for forgiveness and even cried to me, saying he couldnt live without me, etc……Well, I forgave AGAIN. After a few months I started to heal and get over it, well I checked his email out of the blue a few days ago and I found another email from her that said, “I am sorry for slapping you”. Of course this was such a blow and KILLED me and once I again I confronted him……He admitted they had been emailing on his military acct and he even forwarded some of them to me. He said she slapped him when they walked by each other and he swore on my life he has never cheated, I have begged him to tell me if he cheated and he is adament that he never did. The emails were flirting talking about sending **** pics and even maybe meeting…..
I am crushed…He has promised to get counseling when he gets back and is extremely remorseful. I guess I need advice. Will he EVER change? Could counseling indeed help? He won’t be home for another 11 months and I have to worry about what he is doing. I am distraught and disgusted. The way I see it, it would be a lot easier to get out now then later, but is this grounds for divorce? Should I forgive him? What do I do???
Categories: Marriage & Divorce
Saturday, September 19th, 2009 at 9:29 am and is filed under Marriage & Divorce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Trust is everything. IF you feel like you can’t trust him then you need to change direction in your life.
Good luck.
leave the rat :O) good luck you will be fine ;o)
Trust is very hard to build after it has been shattered. I think that counseling is worth a try but with the constant deployments it will make it hard to continue with a scheduled marriage counseling over the long term. Some of it is just standard military stress. I know when I would go on TDY or deployment it would always take time to readjust for both me and my wife. I wish you the best of luck and hope all works out with you and your husband.
Tell him that if it happens again that you are deff leaving and to start getting over it now if he doesn’t plan on being honest
Sweetie, he LIED TO YOU. Several times in fact, over and over. Now Im not saying that this wont change, bu tin the back of your mind youknow he is guilty and youknow that you do not deserve this treatment. If he has done this repeatedly and with the same woman it is not going to change. EVER. He will continue to do it because he knows every time he can get away with it with you. I suggest you leave him and only if he goes thru marriage counciling and proves that he is faithful do u stay, but personally from experience, he is going to cheat or lie again.
if he hasn’t changed by now with you confronting him multiple times with expicit material . . . no he will not change. And if you want to stop being hurt every so many months, I would get out of the relationship now!
Well I would be upfront and tell him that you want a separation until he comes home. That gives you time to just think about yourself for now and do whats right for you. He will be over there and be dearly missing you. I would however occasionally send him care packages to make sure he has what he needs but he will also see how much he misses you. I am in a military relationship and this is how I would handle it if I were you. Email me if you need to. Good luck…
I feel for you doll - you should not have to live life always worried if your husband is sneaking around on you. I don’t believe in divorce, but cheating is so disgusting to me that I hardly know what to say.
You do realize how likely it is that he has either already been unfaithful or will be, right?
All I would say is that, aside from sex, do y’all meet each other’s emotional needs well or do you feel like he is searching for another REAL person?
Good luck!
This is habitual cheating and he will not change…it is time for you to take a stand…definitely forgive but stop taking him back!!
He has lied since the begining..and has a crying game going on….how can you stay in a relationship and be happy that way??? Let him go and move on…All this time he has been playing around behind your back…..slapping him??? Please he has cheated…she is probably tired of hiding and smacked him in frustration! ….Open your eyes.
Wow you have given him this many chances already, why continue the same routine over and over again? It is obviously never going to stop.
How can you forgive someone that has proven that they will be a repeat offender? You can trust this man about as far as you can throw him. There is someone else out there that would love, cherish and honor you the way you deserve. You are wasting your time with him and dragging out an inevitable and painful divorce.
Dump him! Period. He will “NEVER” change. I guaranty it.
Sounds to me that you have already forgiven him more than once and he has decided that he can walk all over you. If he only wanted to flirt, then why can’t he with you? If you truly want to know what he is doing then I would set up a dummy email account and accidently email him and see wehre it goes. See if he tells the mystery woman that he is married. Good luck.